I always joke with my husband that I was the first to ask him out. We met in college and I immediately fell hard for him and while waiting for him to finally tell me his feelings, I worked up the guts up to ask him to a service sorority formal (where the girls ask the guys). After all of that work, it ended up being canceled due to a snow storm. I think he knew by then that I was into him and he asked me out on a date.
Fast forward 11ish years and 3 kids later, we still love to date each other. I’ve learned that it doesn’t always have to be planned out or anything fancy, our main goal is to reconnect and come back together. We have a few favorite date night places but when it comes down to it our purpose is to spend time talking and knowing what’s happening in each of our lives and hearts.
If you don’t plan for it it will never happen, right?! With a never ending schedule of events we started planning date night into the calendar. After the sitter comes and we
fly out the door leave for our date night it is real hard for me to switch gears and shut out the stresses of real life. I’ve learned if you want to ruin your date night, talk about work and kids. Although those parts of our lives are so so important to us, those topics would sometimes trigger stressful landmines that were just not helping us reconnect in this set aside time for just us.
We are NOT experts on marriage in any way. We have been thankful to bump into people with all sorts of marriage experiences and journeys. One tool we came across, through our church, when we first got married was to ask each other open ended questions to kind of gauge where each of us were at that moment. We honestly use it almost weekly (not just for dates, also good for those smaller & slower moments.)
Our friends also gave us these fun question cards that we will pull out a lot of times or bring with us. A lot of them are cheesy but once you get over what you think you already know about your partner, it is a good segue into some fun conversations. I wasn’t able to find these exact ones but these are from the same institute and look perfect for date night!
We love open ended questions because they usually lead to more topics and dust off the surface of what has piled onto our lives, in order to get to what is really going on in each of our hearts. We do often end up talking about our kids and our jobs and all of the things that make up our lives, but starting off with a curious heart can create a safe place to come back together. The whole point being to reconnect and grow closer.